


Bad Ships Anonymous

by orphan_account



Category: Fandom - Fandom, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anthropomorphic Personifications, Brief Usage of Neopronouns, Crack, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I actually only ship the last 2 ships but I tried to choose ships people hate nowadays, I'm Sorry, Inspired by Wreck-It Ralph, Minor Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Minor Bill Cipher/Dipper Pines, Minor Kylo Ren/Rey, Minor Loki/Thor (Marvel), Minor Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky, Minor Peter Parker/Tony Stark, Minor Sephiroth/Cloud Strife, SHEITH - Freeform, The Author Regrets Everything, fandom drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:06:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24144856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In the ninth circle of shipping hell, Sheith goes to a Bad Ships Anonymous support group meeting.“Now that you’re here, do you have anything to share, Sheith?”Not really,he thinks. ‘I don’t belong here’ is not a good opener. Reylo pats his biceps as a friendly encouragement.Time to channel the Black Paladin leader energy.“It’s never easy to be a Bad Ship—”There.His bullshitting powers haven’t left him yet. “—and sure it must be nice to be always considered a Good Ship, but none of us is that lucky. But at the end of the day we need to remember our fans love us.”
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 21





	Bad Ships Anonymous

**Author's Note:**

> The other day I was thinking about how sad it is that sheith became this ~problematic~ boogieman in modern fandom when it’s such a soft friends to lovers ship and quarantine brain was like “it’s like [that scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxeR95aYer0) from Wreck-It Ralph and sheith is Ralph they don’t belong there” so this was born. I lifted and modified a few lines from the original movie scene for this
> 
> This is really _not_ the kind of fic I wanted to post for sheith as my first but I guess I’ve just returned to my crackfic writer roots (I miss kink memes) but I promise my next sheith fic won’t be crack and will have actual plot please don’t kick me out of the fandom
> 
> If you click on “show creator’s style” it should display the fic in Comic Sans for maximum cursed effect

Maybe it’s boredom, maybe it’s being stuck in a small room for weeks, or maybe it’s that uncomfortable prickling sensation that he feels every time someone talks shit about him getting more and more frequent, only to be soothed by his shippers’ positive feelings and the distant support of The Powers That Be—it still fucking sucks, but the love always outweighs the hate—but on a lone Tuesday evening Sheith decides to visit the common room. He hasn’t done that ever since he got transferred.

The common room looks the same as the last time he’s been here: a mishmash of each resident’s canon, with one enormous blue banner hanging on the wall, white letters spelling “Bad Ships Anonymous: One Drama at a Time” that haven’t faded even the slightest in almost two years.

Sheith has forgotten the support group meets up on Tuesdays.

Reylo greets him with a little wave. Sheith waves back. He’s always felt some kind of camaraderie with her, a little bit of solidarity in a sea of hate.

“Look who decided to show up,” Thorki says with a smirk. “We haven’t seen you since your show ended. Love the hair, by the way.”

Without replying or even acknowledging Thorki’s presence Sheith sits down in his own designated red and black seat. He knows his resting bitch face doesn’t make him the most approachable but that’s fine. He glances at the counter next to the banner: the numbers after “Minutes Since Antishipper Nonsense” turn to zero.

Reylo is already in her seat on Sheith’s right, but the striped chair shaped like the head of a tiger— _Puma Tiger Scorpion,_ Sheith can almost hear the correction—on his left is still empty.

“Since your last meeting Otayuri got transferred.” Billdip chimes in from a seat over, always ready to share the latest gossip. “They’re on Level 4 right now, but like you, they keep coming back.”

Sheith sighs. He’s lived in all three of the ‘Grey Ship Purgatory’ circles for a couple of months before he got shoved into the elevator dreaded by all and got demoted to Level 9. But it doesn’t look like he’ll get the chance to move up anytime soon.

One by one all ships take their seats.

Billdip turns to Sheith. “Now that you’re here, do you have anything to share, Sheith?”

_Not really,_ he thinks. ‘I don’t belong here’ is not a good opener. Reylo pats his biceps as a friendly encouragement. _Time to channel that Black Paladin energy._

“It’s never easy to be a Bad Ship—” _There._ His bullshitting powers haven’t left him yet. “—and sure it must be nice to be always considered a Good Ship, but none of us is that lucky. I know some of you share my struggles of being transferred often,” Sheith glances at Bakudeku, “but the demotions are not getting any easier. But at the end of the day we need to remember our fans love us.”

He sits up straighter in his seat. That should be enough.

“Nice share, Sheith.” Sheith doesn’t like the way Billdip says it.

“As fellow Bad Ships we’ve all felt what you’re feeling and we’ve come to terms with it,” said Starker.

“Who wants to go next?” Billdip asks.

Bakudeku leans forward in his chair and starts fidgeting with the hem of his uniform jacket. “I’m Bakudeku and I’m a Bad Ship.”

“Hi Bakudeku,” Sheith finds himself saying it along with the rest of the ships. Sheith doesn’t know Bakudeku that well, but they’ve shared the same fate before, nursing—and hiding—injuries after a particularly vicious harassment campaign the haters launched at their fans.

“I relate to you, Sheith. When I hit rock bottom after the release of the second season of my anime and got demoted to Level 9 despite living on Level 2 for two entire years I had a lot of time to think. For a while I observed my fandom to gather analytical data and to try to make sense of the sudden decrease in popularity, but my files always got corrupted after a day, and when I switched to notebooks the pages with the data disappeared.” Bakudeku stops and lets out a nervous chuckle. “Anyway. After a while I stopped asking myself things like ‘Why are fans’ perceptions of you so bad now?’ or ‘Why can’t you be a Good Ship anymore?’ and decided to listen to my friend who, before I left the Upper Levels, told me: Bakudeku, you might be a Bad Ship now but this doesn’t mean you’re a bad ship.”

Billdip cheers and others join in.

“Our newest old member unlocked an achievement in the past week. Sefikura, please accept this badge, it’s a badge of the highest honors.”

Sefikura stands up and takes the highlighter yellow badge from Billdip. The “incest” written on it in all caps is painfully familiar to Sheith. To his knowledge, almost all ships present have one like that, but only Billdip and Thorki wear their numerous badges, the rest of them always conveniently forget theirs in their rooms. Sheith certainly doesn’t like thinking about how many false accusation badges he’s accumulated over the years.

Billdip clears eir throat. “Question, Sheith. We’ve been asking you to attend the meetings for months now, and tonight you finally showed up.” Ey pauses for dramatic effect. “Why is that?”

Sheith shrugs.

“I don’t know. I just felt like coming. But a few weeks back I hit 13,000 works on Archive Of Our Own.”

“Congratulations, Sheith.”

Sheith blinks. “Thanks, Thorki.”

“I prefer Thunderfrost, actually.” Despite the correction, Thorki’s tone is amused as always. Sheith knows xe thinks it’s all a joke.

“But here’s the thing,” Sheith continues. _Fuck it._ “I don’t wanna be a Bad Ship anymore.”

Reylo snorts. “Don’t we all?”

“Speak for yourself,” Billdip says with a grin.

“Sheith, Sheith, we get it,” Thorki adds, not looking sympathetic or bothered at all. “But we can't change the other shippers’ opinions on us. The sooner you accept that the better off your life will be.”

“That’s so easy for you to say,” Reylo says as she crosses her arms.

But before they can start arguing Reylo’s wristband pings. It’s the notification that means someone published an article that mentions her. She squints at the tiny screen and rolls her eyes.

“ _Fandom Has a Purity Culture Problem,_ sure,” she mutters. “How nice of _you_ to say.”

“Maybe we should—” Bakudeku starts.

“I gotta go,” Reylo says and stands up. On her way out she pats Sheith on the shoulder. “Hang in there, Sheith.”

“Thanks, Reylo.”

A wave of warmth that’s associated with The Powers That Be passes through him, warming him from his core. Someone from the staff is talking about him, and the fans love it. Maybe the haters get bored soon and he’ll get transferred back to the upper levels where he belongs.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t watched a single MCU movie (or Gravity Falls, for the matter) but I tried my best ;; if you’re wondering if Sephiroth/Cloud really got called incest recently then yeah I didn’t make that up. [this](https://www.themarysue.com/fandom-has-a-purity-culture-problem/) is the article I referenced at the end
> 
> I genuinely considered writing an omake with Shiro and Keith reacting to this cursed thing (I believe these are called Character Mini Theater now) ye old ff.net style but that would have been too much


End file.
